trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
