Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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