i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
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