Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
