just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize