ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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