Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I think I sprained my soul last night
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
