Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I think I won the penis lottery.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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