My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
