hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
