She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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