Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background