can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I'm fucking your sister right now.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up