woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
