hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
27 Unforgettable Hookup Texts
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
19 Groupies Confess What It’s Really Like To Hook Up With Famous Rockstars
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.