Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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