He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Your penis caused this!
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