I love black thongs
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
