Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
We just shotgunned beers for America
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
