and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
