Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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