I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
