someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Randomize
