i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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