We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
