Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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