just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
