I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
