fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
