he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
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