Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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