I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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