Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
