she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
