According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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