I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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