Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
zippers are such a cool invention
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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