just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
