The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
