just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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