there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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