umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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