my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
