Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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