Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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