I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
