Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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