Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
