put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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