I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
