ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
