Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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