She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
