i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
