My room smells like vodka and shame
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
