You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
