Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Semen is not good for contacts.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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