omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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