I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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