hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Randomize
