How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
