Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
