literally had 100 drinks last night.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
