Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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