There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
