is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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