What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Randomize