imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
nutella sex= disaster
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
