I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize