is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
