There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
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YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
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You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
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