so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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