They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
