yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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