shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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