I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
