2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I wish I only lived at night.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
She announced her abortion via fbk
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Never joke about your clitoris.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
