Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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