R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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